For the past few several weeks, Cristina and I have been constantly reminded that “He is in control” and that “…there is really nothing we can do, other than wait”. Both of these realizations, while good for our Faith and strengthening for our marriage, are nonetheless sobering.
Every once-in-a-while, during the most difficult moments of this whole recuparation process, the fears/anxieties/sadness of the unknown hit us like a ton of bricks and we have what we call our weekly “emotional breakdown”….which usually last only an hour or two.
“What if something happens and they have to deliver Maria Isabella too early? How are we going to afford all of these medical bills, when all is said and done? What if this whole surgery doesn’t do everything that we hoped it would? Will Bella be able to walk as she grows up? Will we be good parents to a child with special needs?”
“This time of pregnancy is supposed to be a fun time of joy, and we should be with family and friends showing off the cute ‘baby bump’, instead of being locked up in this house all day! Why is this happening to us? What is God trying to teach us in all of this?”
…and the list goes on.
I know this may sound ‘rough’ or a little ‘blunt’ but I have to share a recent reflection that God has been confirming through the testimony of other parents here in the Ronald McDonald House.
With this type of situation, (awaiting a “special needs” or “out-of-the-ordinary” child) there comes the natural and well-intentioned response of friends and family: “I’m sooo sorry that you have to go through this” or “We have to be careful because we don’t want this to happen to any of your next children” and even the thought or insinuation of “Bella is going to come out PERFECT/FINE, just you wait!” or “God has given me a vision of Maria Isabella and she’s gonna come out 100% normal, just have faith!”
Don’t get me wrong, we are very hopeful! (and we try to be as faithful as humans can be, daily!) But, you have to understand something – Maria Isabella is who she is. She is a little mix of Pocta and Rivera, she seems to have a slightly dark skin tone (the Doctors told us when they operated on her back) and she has Spina Bifida. She always will. This is part of who she is.
If she were any other way, she would not be our daughter.
God has sent us to her….He has sent us here to Philly/NJ for a reason, for a Divine Purpose….and on the days that Cristina and I aren’t too consumed in focusing on our own problems, (instead of being present to those around us) we can see it in every interaction we encounter.
So….(and trust me, I say this with ALL of the LOVE in the world!) if you pray for us…or pray that Bella’s Spina Bifida wasn’t there anymore, instead pray not only that Cristina and I will be the best parents that we can possibly be to her, but that she will be free to grown in to the person that God has created her to be, free to love others and to teach others, all according to His Divine Plan.
His Hand is most definitely in ALL of this…..because trust me, if it wasn’t, Cristina and I would have quit a LONG time ago.